The Portland Humpin' Hash Guide to Haring (Setting a Trail for the Hash)
Farticus' New Testament of the Hump Hash Haring Guide.
FNG Haring FAQ’s
- When and what time do hashes start?
- Hump hashes are on Wednesdays at 6:30 pm. Hares off at 7:00 pm.
- What’s A-A, A-A’, or A-B?
- A-A: hash starts and ends (On-In) at the same spot.
- A-A’: the On-In is about 1/4 mile or less from the start.
- A-B: neither a nor b.
- How do I set trail so hashers will follow?
- With flour. 10 pounds should be enough.
- Hashers only have half-minds so try to set trail so it’s not too hard to follow, especially at night. No one likes getting lost and you’re not smarter (or better looking) for getting hashers lost.
- Don’t mark every 100 yards – it’s too f*cking far.
- Mark your falses or don’t mark then suddenly stop. It’s annoying.
- You may provide chalk to the hounds so they can help the DFL’s not get lost.
- Other acceptable trail marks: sheet-rock, flags for extreme shiggy, Koolaid for icy streets/trail, Cheetos, etc.
- Ask a veteran hasher for different types of marks: checks, back checks, falses, etc.
- What’s a “dry car”?
- It’s a car that’s not wet.
- Hashers can put their “dry bags” there before the hash so when they get to the On-In, they can change out of their muddy clothes and get their vessels, ID's, keys, etc. It’s your responsibility to get the dry car from the Start to the On-In.
- If you lay a trail that is either an A-A' or A-B you should have a dry car. Failure to do so will result in torture.
- How long is a “normal” hash trail so hashers won’t bitch?
- Around 3-4 miles. Any longer and the DFL’s complain. Any shorter and the FRB’s complain. But everyone will complain anyway so it doesn’t matter.
- How do I get beer so hashers will be happy?
- Pitchers are good if we're ending at a bar. Order in advance so they expect it and won't run out. Order about 15 pitchers (to start) and have them pour just before people come in. Leave some for religion.
- If buying cases for the On-In, a typical Humphash can have 50 – 80 hashers so plan accordingly. Cans are good at beerchecks, typically about a case to a case and a half depending on the number of hashers.
- For kegs, email the Beer Bitch at the latest on Monday the week of the hash.
- He is responsible for the keg, tap, ice, pitchers, and bucket and will collect them at the conclusion of sport drinking.
- Provide your own cups if you so desire. But clean up afterwards, you slob! Or you can tell people to bring their own vessels. We do live in Oregon.
- Start pouring into pitchers before hashers come in. We hate gathering around the keg waiting for beer!
- A keg (half barrel) should be enough for 50 – 60 hashers, 30 if Rectal Rooter shows up. Or you can get a pony keg (quarter barrel) if you want to kick everyone out early and have them hate you.
- A keg is about $86 and pony keg is about $49 from Widmer. Ask the Beer Bitch.
- How do I post a hash so hashers will show up?
- Email the posting to humphash@yahoogroups.com.
- The On Geek will post it on the website for the world to see. If not, bug him.
- Have the Hare Raiser post it on the calendar. Email him/her 2-5 days before, not on the day of the hash.
- Only sign up for open dates.
- What information needs to be on the posting so hashers will know what to do?
- Who’s haring (you)
- Where – provide d’erections or a map to the Start
- Date (of the hash, not today's date)
- Time – 6:30, hares off at 7:00
- A-A, A-A’, or A-B. See #2 above for details.
- Hash cash amount
- Headlamp if needed
- Bring vessels
- Dog or stroller friendly?
- Wetsuit?
- Costumes?
- How much do I charge for a hash so hashers won't leave?
- $5
- Free
- Do I need to collect money at the Start so I can be rich?
- No. The Hash Cash will do that. You can negotiate how much you get back but you’ll lose.
- You normally get a budget: In the summer you get $150 + a full keg or $240 if you want to get the beer yourself. In the winter it’s $100 + a pony keg or $150 if you want to get the keg y_urs_lf.
- Do I need to let the bar know if we want to have the On-In or Start there?
- It is strongly advised so we can do it there again. Also they can schedule more bartenders so we can get beer faster.
- Can I serve food?
- Of course you can. But only serve it after religion.
- When can I sign up to hare so the Hare Raiser won’t volunteer me?
- Now.
- Wait until you're volunteered, which could also be now.
- What else do I need to get or do before haring a hash so I can lay a shitty trail?
- Scout your trail. Mapmyrun.com can give you distances if you like numbers.
- Pick the Start, Beer Check(s), and On-In.
- Shop for munchies. Remember you only get a certain amount from the Hash Cash so splurging is up to you.
- Get flour (~10 lbs), chalk, etc. You can also stash some flour at the beerchecks to lighten your load (that tip is free).
- Get beer check beer, a case or more per beer check should be good. Ouzo is optional.
- Get water or non-alcoholic beverages for the losers. Stash some at the beer check for the same losers.
- Get garbage bags, cups, plates, forks, napkins etc. if needed. Some hashers always forget their vessels (me) so make them pay by not having too many cups.
If you have any other questions please contact Mismanagement. We love getting email an will strive to address each and every question in a timely manner .... really.