Reminder: PH4 #581 - Hares Up My Backslide @ Wed May 2 6:30pm - 10pm (PH4 Hash Calendar)

PH4 #581 - Hares Up My Backslide

Who: Barney Balls, Whiny Little Cunt as they Deflour Poke-a-Teller (This was NOT the threesome Barney was hoping for)

When: Wednesday April 2nd. Meet @ 6:30pm, . BYOB to start, we'll finish you off. Hares off @ 7pm, Barney gets off @ 7:01pm & 9 seconds, Hounds follow @ 7:16pm & 9 Seconds.

Where: 7732 Aspen Summit Drive, Portland, OR is the address of a Rising Star PRESCHOOL (sorry Pedafiles, it will be closed by then). Behind, because that's how we like it, there is a small amphitheater rubbing up against the ass of an apartment complex, where chalk talk will be, Hash Cash will collect and the Hares will depart from. If you take a swipe up the filthy, unkept backside of Happy Valley, there is a mysterious area few Mormons dare to go, a little known place called SE Portland. Very short walk from the Max near SE Flavel and SE 92nd.

Why: This is the best chance Barney might have for Sex On Trail since he first hared with Prison Bitch (Then proving yet again how apt PB's naming). Poke has been tight lipped with the kitchen closed, but has recently shifted to a "Maybe if you were the last Wanker left with me in the shiggy, I'd think about it" stance (So she's saying there's chance!).
And then there is Whiny Little Cunt... Mr. Cunt if you're nasty! Not haring since being deep in South Central L.A., where flour marks have a 50/50 chance of mixing with blood splatter and gunshot wounds are simply crimes on trail. Whiny has been in Portland for well over a year, and sponged from the Hump Hash for almost as long, never giving back, never offering anything more than bad humor and even worse company. So it is about FUCKING TIME!
((Bum porn. Don't forget the bum porn. ))

Detrails: A to A prime, Not Dog, Nor Bike, Nor Baby Friendly… Not State of Oregon Trespassing Law Friendly either. Shit, Not even sure if this is Hasher friendly… With Whiny in the mix, this is likely a trail where a Hare complains more than the rest of the pack. Turkey/Eagle Split where it can honestly be said upfront, neither choice escapes due Hash God Justice! There will be at least 10 reporters in the pack. We're going to keep them busy contemplating what their legal obligations are vs. looking the other way.

What to bring: $5 Hash Cash (At least two of the hares are wide open for your big tips), Vessels, Dog Whistles so the land owners won't hear, Virgins in white t-shirts and new shoes, HEAD LAMPS, All things SHIGGY, Snorkel, A replica golden idol from the first Indiana Jones, Bull Whip, You Utter Contempt, Inter-species Erotica, Post orgasmic toe de-curler, a muzzle for Whiny Little Cunt and a Love for Beer and Song and Beer.

No I.D. needed for trail unless you want something for them to identify your body WHEN you get lost...
NO DRY CAR, BUT, Probably want a change of warm clothes left back in your car, OUTDOOR ON IN.

PARKING: Good fucking luck. Look for signs that say 24 hours/No Parking. If you park there, then you deserve to get towed. Try parking on Aspen Summit Drive or scare the shit out of my neighbors or try Knapp Drive.

On After: Bucket Brigade Saloon 8012 SE Powell St, Portland, OR
Reviews - 1 star out of 5 (lowest possible) * "DON'T DO IT!! Omg, between the tweeked out patrons and the creepy bartender, we lasted 5 seconds before leaving" or "Negative 2 1/2 stars, that's 2 1/2 stars less than no stars at all."

Wed May 2 6:30pm – 10pm Pacific Time
7732 Aspen Summit Drive, Portland, OR (map)
PH4 Hash Calendar
Hare Raiser - creator

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